[We join Whitley Valentine in the living room of a bright, spacious Northshore Heights apartment]
The Decree: Good afternoon, Whitley. Thank you for joining us.
Whitley Valentine: Thanks for having me.
Decree: Is this your apartment?
Whitley: Is that the first question?
Decree: Um...sure?
Whitley: Nope. It is definitely not my apartment. It'd be great if it was, though. Right?
Decree: Absolutely! So, describe your ideal home.
Whitley: [Whitley stands, extending her arms] It would be similar to this: spacious with high ceilings. I'd add mounted speakers in every room for music and a HUGE bathroom.
Decree: Would you say you’re messy or neat?
Whitley: Neat. I take up too much space to be messy.
Decree: What's the quickest way to make you happy?
Whitley: Free food. [Whitley selects an apple from a bowl of fruit on the table]
Decree: What's the most impressive eating feat you've pulled off?
Whitley: Never having been overweight.
Decree: What's your secret?
Whitley: Stay active, don't eat crap and put all your calories towards something constructive [Whitley finishes her apple in three bites].
Decree: What's your favorite height you've been?
Whitley: The one I am.
Decree: How tall is too tall?
Whitley: Taller than me.
Decree: What's the best thing about being very tall?
Whitley: The perspective
Decree: What's the worst thing about being very tall?
Whitley: The perspective.
Decree: Care to elaborate?
Whitley: Nope.
Decree: Fair enough. Are you still growing?
Whitley: [pause] Yes.
Decree: How fast?
Whitley: Ah ah! I gave you five height questions!
Decree: You got us.
[We follow Whitley into a large adjacent room which is mostly empty, save for a bin of sports equipment. Whitley extracts a volleyball, spinning it on her finger]
Decree: Let's talk sports. Do you remember what initially drew you to volleyball?
Whitley: [Whitley easily palms the ball] Spiking.
Decree: What do you love the most about volleyball now?
Whitley: The teamwork. Good teamwork is beautiful to watch.
Decree: Name three of your volleyball heroes.
Whitley: Mireya Luis, Ekaterina Gamova, Foluke Akinradewo
Decree: What's your pre-game routine?
Whitley: After running the standard drills with the team, I fit in my own spiking drills and coordination exercises.
[Whitley hits the ball across the room, striking a white "x" taped on the opposite wall, dead center]
Whitley: ...basically, get my hands on the ball as much as possible.
Decree: Favorite music for right before a game?
[Whitley queues up Missy Elliot's "WTF" on her phone]
Decree: Nice. Did you ever play basketball?
Whitley: I did. I played from elementary school through eighth grade.
Decree: Center?
Whitley: Shooting guard.
Decree: After volleyball, what's your second-favorite sport to play?
Whitley: [Chuckles] Beach volleyball.
Decree: What's your least-favorite sport to watch?
Whitley: Baseball
Decree: You mentioned this was your first time coaching.
Whitley: Yes, it is indeed.
Decree: What’s the hardest thing about coaching?
Whitley: Being a motivator.
Decree: What's the most rewarding thing about coaching?
Whitley: When your players exceed your expectations.
Decree: What's your goal for the team this year?
Whitley: For the players to exceed their expectations.
Decree: Non-sports, non-food accomplishment you are most proud of.
Whitley: One of my editorials was a finalist for the 2015 Midwestern College Media Awards.
Decree: Who's your favorite musician currently?
Whitley: Janelle Monae
Decree: Favorite author?
Whitley: Shonda Rhimes
Decree: Favorite movie?
Whitley: I'm not really big into movies, but I recently saw Hidden Figures with my roommates and that was pretty good.
Decree: Place you've been you never ever expected to go.
Whitley: I once literally spent a night in Tunisia.
Decree: Plane, train, or automobile?
Whitley: Car, definitely. Particularly when it's my car and I'm driving. Planes are the worst.
Decree: Favorite cartoon when you were in elementary school?
Whitley: Hey Arnold!
Decree: What was the last text message you received?
Whitley: My roommate sent me a dinner update with pictures.
Decree: Hidden talent?
Whitley: It's hardly hidden, but I've always been proud of my setting.
Decree: Are you a multi-tasker?
Whitley: [Whitley reclines on the couch, raises her arms, and begins setting the ball repeatedly to herself] Maybe. Let's find out.
Decree: How about some word association? Peanut butter:
Whitley: Jelly time.
Decree: Technology:
Whitley: Mobile.
Decree: Animal:
Whitley: Farm.
Decree: Board game:
Whitley: Checkers.
Decree: How many times have you set the ball?
Whitley: ...eleven, twelve, thirteen. [Whitley catches the ball and sets it on the couch next to her] Yes, I can multi-task.
Decree: What's your favorite city you've been to?
Whitley: Memphis. I have family from there, and the barbeque is off the hook.
Decree: Do you speak another language?
Whitley: Ich spreche Deutsch, aber nicht mehr so gut.
Decree: Who is your role model?
Whitley: Candace Parker and my mother.
Decree: We're going to buy you a free coffee at a coffee shop. What's your order?
Whitley: Black coffee. Largest size you have.
Decree: Name a hist—
Whitley: I'm holding you to that coffee, by the way.
Decree: Feel free to. Name a historical figure you'd like to have coffee with.
Whitley: Zora Neale Hurston.
Decree: If you could spend 3 months anywhere, where would it be?
Whitley: Summer on a beach house in Santa Barbara.
Decree: Bath or shower?
Whitley: Baths are wonderful, just get me a tub I can stretch out in.
Decree: Favorite clothing item?
Whitley: The one pair of jeans I own that fit.
Decree: Favorite website?
Whitley: Netflix.
Decree: Are you bingeing any show right now?
Whitley: Luke f*ckin' Cage. [fans self] Mike Colter. Oh. My. God.
Decree: Who did you look up to when you were in high school?
Whitley: In terms of individuals I knew personally: increasingly few people until eventually no one.
Decree: Is that literal or figurative?
Whitley: Yes.
Decree: First kiss: romantic, awkward, or other?
Whitley: [Cringes] Awkward. Definitely awkward. As in, he asked me to crouch down, awkward.
Decree: What city were you born in?
Whitley: Bakersfield, California.
Decree: What's an ideal selfie for you?
Whitley: Half a year ago, I would have said "no selfie." Now? Arm stretched out above at a downward angle.
Decree: Most memorable celebrity encounter.
Whitley: [Whitley chuckles, grinning naughtily] Hope Solo.
Decree: We'll Google that later. Do you collect anything?
Whitley: Glass art.
Decree: Name something you tend to forget.
Whitley: Jacket. I have a high tolerance for cold.
Decree: Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
Whitley: I do.
Decree: What was your favorite food when you in elementary school?
Whitley: Salami sandwiches with American cheese.
Decree: Favorite food now?
Whitley: Tacos. I could eat them every meal of every day. Street taco style preferred, but I’m not picky.
Decree: Least favorite food when you were in elementary school?
Whitley: Peas.
Decree: Least-favorite food now?
Whitley: Sweet cereals.
Decree: If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
Whitley: I truly believe I would look awesome with wings. Functional wings, to be sure.
Decree: If you were asked to adjunct teach a class at Northshore, what would you teach?
Whitley: Non-Fiction Workshop 1.
Decree: When you eventually write your memoirs, what will be the title?
Whitley: "From My Perspective" followed by an ellipsis. Yes, I've thought about this.
Decree: Would you lie in your memoirs to spice them up?
Whitley: No. Most people wouldn't believe half of my true stories anyways.
Decree: Like what?
Whitley: I beat Michelle Wie at mini golf.
Decree: I don't believe that.
Whitley: Ask Carissa Moore. She'll back me up.
Decree: Most flattering thing anyone has said about you.
Whitley: A college article once said: "Whitley Valentine would be every bit as dangerous if she stood a foot-and-a-half shorter." When everyone talks about your physical gifts, it's nice to be acknowledged for otherwise.
Decree: Best news you ever received?
Whitley: Being offered a volleyball scholarship to Durrenburg University.
Decree: We won't ask you the worst news you've ever received.
Whitley: Thank you.
Decree: How about the strangest news you've ever received?
Whitley: I was offered a part-time coaching position at Northshore University
Decree: Alright, last question: If nothing else, what is the one takeaway you want viewers to get from this interview?
Whitley: Everyone should try the super tasty and reasonably-priced daily sandwich specials at the on-campus Sherwood Café near Averill Hall.
Decree: Sounds good. Thanks, Whitley, for joining us.
Whitley: [Whitley bows slightly] My pleasure. Now, speaking of which, I recall something about you buying me food?
Decree: I hear Reubens are the special today at Sherwood.
Whitley: Well played Decree. Well played.
Decree: We try.